I don’t remember my first webcam show. I definitely don’t remember who it was for. I don’t remember what was said, or how I went about it. I do remember that I liked it. It was an intoxicating excitement that was a mix of taboo, rebellion, and lust. It was an exhibitionist experiment that grew into an “after hours” job, just like the stripper who will flippantly mention that she’s working to pay for medical school. Although webcam shows were safer in the way that there was a buffer thousands of miles wide.
I do remember that I started webcamming after I found out a neighbor was doing the same. She was not attractive by conventional standards and I was shocked that she could make money doing it.
“Well, shit. If she can do it, I can do it,” I thought to myself.
When people think about working in porn they think of sleazy producers, a high risk of STD’s, women being taken advantage of, and performances so fake it parallels the extension in their hair. Webcamming was different. Yes, it’s still porn, but the women have much more control over what was done and who it was done with (or for, I suppose). At least, that’s the way it was for me. I didn’t work for a company; I called the shots myself.
Honestly, webcamming is somewhat like escorting in the way that you’re just keeping multiple lonely men company for a short amount of time. I had viewers from all around the world. There were a shocking amount of guys in the Middle East. There were doctors, dads, husbands, students, pastors, just to name a few. All of them were looking to spend some time with someone who liked to have some fun and show their tits while they were at it. Nipples and nakedness are fun, but they were there for the conversation and connection that went along with it. I guess it’s like how a lot of guys think they’ll date a stripper and continue to show up at the club to make it rain on her, hoping that the money catches her attention and the conversation keeps her because there’s a “real connection there”. Little do they know that she’s not doing this for them and it’s not about them.
There are a lot of things I liked about webcamming: the fun that came with doing something “wrong”, the creativity in photo shoots to advertise the shows, having to think of different ways to get off so that I didn’t get bored, being lusted after by strangers in an exhibitionist/voyeuristic way, and roping my boyfriend into doing shows with me. Even though I liked it, the novelty wore off after a while and it began to feel like any other job.
Sex during shows turned into a production, just like every other porn, but live. Instead of being in the moment and enjoying the orgasam, there were thoughts about being in the right lighting, at the right angle, in a flattering position, and making sure the performance aspect flowed at an attention-keeping pace. This also meant that like high production porn, some of the actions were fake. A real orgasam for most women often requires consistent rhythm and/or static pressure on the clit rather than simply getting pounded in the pussy with a dildo. The real way isn’t nearly as hot to watch on cam. A skilled webcam girl knows how to make it entertaining without looking fake, even though it’s often fake for her. Because you know, it’s work too. It wasn’t always fake for me, but it wasn’t 100% real either.
I stopped after my boyfriend brought this up. Even though sex between us was real and exceptionally fun, there were still the scheduled shows that brought that work element into our life. It’s like eating the same thing every day for months or years; eventually you get sick of eating it. That’s not something you want to do with sex.
We’ll occasionally do webcam shows for fun these days. It’s still easy to find people who want to indulge in voyeuristic fantasies, always with people in other states and nowhere near Fort Collins. Although the rebellious side of me sometimes thinks that would be an entertaining moment. I prefer to cam with guys rather than couples because my production judgement kicks in – god damn, you are a boring woman. Move around a little more and stop talking because you sound fucking annoying. Also get off faster, because we’re all waiting for you HOURS later. (Actual thoughts from a couples cam show last year and the last couples show I probably ever want to do because of it).
But with guys it’s still fun. It’s hot to get dressed up and put on a couples show for the lucky viewer. I still get to call the shots and satisfy that exihibionist kink in me. I’m not listing this on my resume anymore, but I still like it when they watch.