It seems that long-lasting marriages have a reputation for being boring. There’s the stereotypical image that the husband is completely apathetic, possibly with wandering eyes looking for some excitement, and the wife is just too tired to care because she’s been picking up the house and dealing with kids all day long.
Granted, this can certainly go the other way, and often does – a husband who has lost his spark, leaving the wife yearning for butterflies from someone else.
I hate this perception that is recycled over and over again in society’s mind, often through click-bait from the media. Nobody ever talks about how they keep their marriages interesting and exciting. Why? Because it’s hard as fucking shit to do. But, it can be done!
Every home-cooked meal has its own secret recipe. Well, I’m about to drop our recipe for kick-ass homebound date nights on you.
If you know me personally, or if you follow me on Feasting Fort Collins, then you’ve heard something about our Friday Night Date Nights at home. Friday Night Date Nights are the highlight of our week over here. I’ve talked about how fucking awesome they are so much that I’ve piqued enough interest with my friends and they’ve asked for Date Night clinics to show them how to make it happen.
Bill and I have been together for 17 years and we just celebrated our 16th wedding anniversary last weekend. We’ve been through a lot over those years – exceptional highs and near-divorce lows. But we’ve hung in there together through it all, molding one hell of a marriage, if I do say so myself. Friday Night Date Nights have been a contributing factor to that.
A few years ago we realized that we were stuck in a funk – work and family had crept in between us and we needed to do something different before we ended up in the aforementioned conundrum. With two kids and a limited budget, going out wasn’t in the cards. Not to mention that I dine out at restaurants for a job, so dinner dates end up being more work than fun at this point in time.
We implemented a weekly date night at home every Friday night. We told the kids that it was our party date night and that we would be playing music loudly while they were in bed. Fortunately, they’re heavy sleepers and thought our parties at home are cool. On the plus side, we’re a living example of a fun marriage for them.
At first we were cooking different meals together, alternating weeks as the chef. Then Bill grilled the most amazing filet mignon and we haven’t alternated since… for at least 2 years.
But, dinner isn’t the only thing you need for a fantastic date night at home. Much like the multi-ingredient recipe for dinner, you need a variety of layers – food, drinks, entertainment, foreplay, sex.
Recipe For Homebound Date Nights
Everyone: make sure you’re showered and well-groomed to each other’s standards.
Ladies: put in some extra effort with makeup, outfits, or shoes, just like you would if you were going out. Do whatever makes you feel super sexy. Most importantly, ditch the sweatpants (yoga pants can work because they show off your ass!).
Guys: same goes for you. Except for yoga pants.
Guys, if you can cook at least one dish better than any chef in Fort Collins, you’re going to get laid. A lot. It really doesn’t matter who makes dinner (I don’t think) but there’s something incredibly sexy about a guy who can cook. Maybe it’s the reviewer in me and the philosophy that food taps into our emotions, including lust. Who the fuck knows – all I know is that an impressive dinner is going to make panties drop.
If the ladies are always cooking, switching roles is a nice way to mix in some marriage teamwork. Bill is a much better cook than I am and prepares all of our meals at home, so there’s no switching because he enjoys doing it. I make sure I do the dishes. Whatever floats your boat.
Drinks/Weed (Probably Both)
We are all stressed. All. The. God. Damn. Time. Many of us may have high-level stressful jobs, or raising a family was a reality-check in what stress really means. Hell, maybe it’s both. Either way, people today need something to help them relax. Alcohol and weed are the cure for us.
First, let me stop the judgement train and say that it’s not that you have to be drunk or high to have sex with your significant other. I’m not saying that you have to lose yourself so much that it’s a problem and the next thing you know you’re Amy Winehouse saying “no, no, no” to rehab. What I am saying is that a cocktail or two (or whatever) is going to help you transition from work-week focus to fun night. You’re going to be able to let go of all of those emails, all of the tasks you didn’t get to, and all of the shit you’ve had to deal with. You’re going to be able to get into the party mindset a lot easier.
Need a weed suggestion? Feel free to hit me up since I write about that, too.
Need a sober suggestion? Change your body chemistry and get a late night workout session in. That endorphin rush is a great way to get you in the mood.
Or, get your dance on. Either way, use your body and get the blood flowing.
That brings me to the next ingredient…
This is the transitional moment for the evening before you go roll in the sheets. Without it, it’s like trying to go in dry. It doesn’t work or feel natural. It also has to be an interactive activity – sitting your ass on the couch to watch a movie isn’t going to cut it. It has to be fun and make you laugh.
We’re a competitive couple that has a lot of fun trash talking, so we end up playing games on our date nights. We often turn them into drinking games or stripping games.
Uno? How about Strip Uno.
Jenga? Shot Jenga.
You get the idea.
We’ve also watched stand up comedy (I think this is different than watching a movie), gone on midnight bike rides to haunted farms behind our neighborhood, late night skinny dipped in the neighborhood pool, had all night DJ/dance parties in our home office, and other shenanigans. Whatever you do, make it fun. Break some rules while you’re at it.
By this point you’ve had a great dinner, a few drinks, maybe a joint, and a great time doing something fun together. You should be in full party mode, giving each other bedroom eyes. Lock the door, get the music going, light some candles, or put on some porn. Either way, make time for some foreplay – an often neglected ingredient when trying to replicate the recipe. It’s essential. It’s like forgetting to put the icing on the cake. Nobody likes dry cake.
Do something wild, do something new, do something different, pull out a few tricks or toys – whatever you do, don’t make it “weekday sex.” This is not the time to get comfortable in the missionary position or turn it into a quickie. Have fun sex and be open to new ideas, whatever that means to you. Take your time and enjoy yourself!
Now, Date Nights don’t always have to lead to sex. There have been nights where sex has been off the table for various reasons, but we still had a lot of fun hanging out together doing all of the other things listed above.
Follow this recipe for homebound date nights and it will add some spice to your marriage! Have some other suggestions or secret ingredients? Give us the tip in the comments.