Prostitute? Modern-day Geisha? Machiavellian mistress?
All of the above should come to mind when reading this post. Sugaring, known as Sugar Daddy (SD)/Sugar Baby (SB) dating, is a growing trend in college towns where younger women who need cash are living side-by-side with older, financially established men who desire NSA* intimacy. SBs are willing to be companions for needy men in exchange for money, gifts and even vacations.
I decided to go undercover into the world of sugaring to learn first-hand how this operates. I completed a free profile on the most popular sugar dating website called Seeking Arrangement (SA). I found myself instantly uncomfortably fascinated. While my enrollment was at no cost, the men whose profiles I was viewing all paid to be there. Some are just lonely. Some are just horny. Almost all of them are using the site out of convenience. My profile was mostly viewed by married Indian men from all over the world, who messaged me saying they don’t like being married. It made me wonder if they didn’t consider it cheating since I was Desi… Married but Looking is even an option in the drop down menu for Relationship Status.
I really thought I was on to something. I can carry on a conversation, I have diverse interests and I take care of myself inside and out. So, when I was asked by some locals to meet in a public place, I accepted their offer to learn more about this subculture. Here’s how it went:
Potential SD date #1
A coffee date with a gentleman in his early 50s. Local business owner, charming texter and generally handsome man. Right away, there was a problem… He’s on a Sugar Daddy dating site and he showed up in flip-flops and shorts. No thanks. He has an open relationship with a steady girlfriend, yet he didn’t tell her about SA because she would probably be upset about the monetary exchange… No shit, Sherlock! When I asked him if a lot of people in Fort Collins are on this site, he responded, “Of course there are tons of people here on the site! This is a college town. There is no shortage of young women willing to entertain you for some kind of monetary exchange.”
Potential SD date #2
Dinner date with an electrical engineer in his late 40s from Longmont. He holds a graduate degree, a pilot’s license and a set of admirable teeth. He spent the evening complaining about his two ex-wives who tried to rob him of all his money. When I asked him why he was on the website, he quickly responded, “I’ve been married twice, I know for a fact that it’s more expensive to have a wife. I’m not doing that again!”
Potential SD date #3
Coffee date with a local business man, considerably older, pleasant conversation and values chivalry. “I like women,” he readily admitted. “It’s easier to throw money at someone rather than play the dating game and invest a ton of time into something that should just be fun.” He indicated that while he is separated from his wife and they have different living situations, he does not plan to get divorced. This man also invited me to join him and his other SB for afternoon frolics, even after I continuously declined.
If you have a daughter: save money for their college education now! Working your way through school is not what it used to be.
Wait! This is nothing like the Lisa Ling show I saw on Netflix. It’s supposed to be glamorous, right? Wrong. The whole concept of being showered with gifts in exchange for companionship and sex is antiquated and impractical. It’s short lived, even if you are successful. These men may treat you to nice things, take you on a trips and even toy with the illusion that they just want a pretty lady to accompany them to dinner or a show, but let’s get real… this is not Beverly Hills and most of the men on the site do not look like Richard Gere. The lure of a more glamourous lifestyle is very appealing to most women. With approximately six times the number of women on the site than men, I’m not at all surprised that the concept of sugaring or “sugar dating” has really taken off in Fort Collins. While this is a very sought after place to live, it’s a sought after college town. There is no shortage of young women. Many of them desperate to pay their bills while they put themselves through school and are looking for easy money.
The website I was on was riddled with trolls looking for personal information and account numbers. Women should NOT register on sugaring sites if they are naive, lonely, or believe in romance. Beware any 909 area codes and dummy pics. There’s a reason he won’t show his face…
I am very much aware that I am well above the normal Sugar Baby age range, which is generally females age 18-29. One potential SD, who aptly called himself Mr. Nice Guy, summed up what I was doing when I told him I wasn’t interested, “You’re a forty-year-old trying to be a Sugar Baby… Haha! Good luck!”
Touché, Mr. Nice Guy, touché.
*NSA – No Strings Attached.
Confused about all these new terms and abbreviations being thrown out there? This list of Sugar Daddy dating terminology should help.