Most of us remember our first time with sex right? What about that glorious moment when you discovered what pleasure was? That memory may be a bit fuzzy. What about that embarrassing moment when you were caught? That one sticks with you. I am here to share mine.
Let me preface this with masturbation was never explained to me. Its that whole “conservative growing up where we didn’t talk about anything sexual” thing. Everything I knew was from hearing stories from my friends about what they have heard, and we all know how reliable stories from pubescent 12-year-olds can be.
It was 1990 something and I had been doing it for a few years now and I was getting good at it! I thought I knew everything about this, until one fateful day when I overheard some of the older kids talking. They were talking about how they heard from a friend, who know someone, who heard it from someone else about someone using a vacuum. Being that I became adventurous at a young age and the fact that boys will stick in their penis in anything at least once, this intrigued me. That weekend my parents left the house to go do something that adults did and I was left at home, alone, with the vacuum. I grabbed it, pulled out the hose and turned it on. Wow! Amazing! Even though I could only fit in the tip, it felt great! When I came close, pulled out to not make a mess in the vacuum. That is the last thing I wanted was my mother changing the filter and finding something. That would be embarrassing.
I continued with my original ways and only using the vacuum on special occasions. One Saturday, I was feeling a bit randy when I was cleaning my room and my parents were doing yard work so I decided that I can get my business done. I unzipped my pants and pulled my penis through the zipper as they were invented for, and put the hose on. The problem with vacuums is that they are loud and you can’t hear people walking around. My door was only part closed, my fault there, and I turned around for some reason right when my dad was walking through my bedroom door. Busted. I dropped the hose and turned around so he couldn’t see my junk through my zipper. I felt my face getting red hot and my breathing start to get constricted. I backed up, turned of the vacuum and kept my back to my dad. I talked to him while some how getting my bait and tackle wrangled back into my pants. We carried on and I went out side to help. To this day I am not sure if he knew exactly what I was doing, but I am thinking he had an idea. I will never forget that day and I have gone back to more conventional methods of masturbation. Word of advice, keep your door closed.
Why is it that masturbation is so taboo? I think that everyone should do it at least once a month, even if you are in a relationship. I mean couples should do it together! It is fun that way! Have a masturbation Monday, or a tickling Tuesday, or a whack it Wednesday, or a tug it Thursday, or a flick it Friday… You get it. May is even masturbation month so it should be celebrated, plus it helps keep you healthy!
Do you have an embarrassing masturbation story? If so, please share it! If you would like to keep anonymous, you can create a disqus account so you can share!