I grew up in a small town in a conservative Christian family. Growing up I remember being taught that sex was something only for marriage. I was told that sex had a purpose. Sex is to create life. In school, I knew people having sex but I was told that people like that were misguided and somehow “dirty.” I have distinct memories as a senior in high school, when I finally started dating. I remember when I was finally allowed to go out on a date, I went to brush my teeth. My Dad yelled at me accusing me of “asking for it” and “being up to no good.” In high school I also watched a friend who got pregnant in her teens struggle for most of her early life, being labeled and working hard to overcome being a single mom. This also made sex, not very attractive to me. Add in there some not so sexy perms and a complete lack of curves, and it should come as no surprise that sex was not on the agenda for me. I didn’t actively seek it out and for me it became a thing that , as a “feminist,” I thought I should avoid. I was going to be the next Jane Goodall meets Amelia Earheart. Therefore, worrying about sex, was just not on my agenda.
Fast forward several years later. I was at a work conference. I was married, happy, and working, but was still unaware that there was something completely lacking in my life. I was completely obsessed with my job, changing the world and being a strong female role model. For me, caring about my looks, being sexy and attractive, just didn’t go along with this image.
At this particular conference, I was talking with several people, doing similar work as me from all over the nation. I struck up a quick friendship with one particular man, originally from South Africa, now living in the United States. I was intrigued with some of the work he was doing (and if I’m being completely honest, intrigued with how really great he smelled) and ended up chatting about his work in detail late one evening. The next day I was scheduled to leave but had several hours before I needed to head to the airport. As I talked with some of the people I met, this particular man stuck around until he was the last one near me. We said goodbye and he walked away. Suddenly, he turned around came back and laid his room key on the table. He looked at me right in the eye and said, “You are one of the most intriguing and sexy women I have met in a long time. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you and I know I would hate myself if I didn’t say this. Neither of us have to leave for several hours and I have my hotel room until this evening. I am going to leave this key here for you. If you would like to join me in my room for an incredible time, please come. I know, I for one am hoping you do.”
And then he just simply walked away. It was at that moment, that I knew without a doubt, that I had been misled my entire life. What had I been missing out on? How, with one sentence, could someone make me want something with my entire body and why hadn’t I ever explored this before? I still mentally kick myself on all those wasted years.
It was after that experience that I realized that women could be successful and be sexy at the same time. That being sexy and a feminist were not a juxtaposition of ideas and certainly were not a waste of time. I plan to devote my columns to exploring how every “good girl” needs a little or a lot of dirty in her life. I hope to help women, who may have some of the ideas I use to have, explore their sexy side, while entertaining the rest of you. Through fresh eyes we will look at how you can bring wild sex into a committed relationship and debunk the myths about sex that many religions advance that ultimately prevent us from being the deeply sexy people we should be. I look forward to trying new things with you as well. In this journey we will all learn to find our sexy side, no matter what our professional or religious beliefs are.